I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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