Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
