Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
