you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
