My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
