its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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