I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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