Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo

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(413): Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo http://tfl.nu/r8i0

Replies (9) Good night (827) Bad night (2437)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.

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(+44): I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa. http://tfl.nu/wm5o

Replies (3) Good night (2149) Bad night (972)
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(846): View more from

he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.

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(846): he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand. http://tfl.nu/15lw

Replies (14) Good night (1673) Bad night (5204)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.

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(614): I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that. http://tfl.nu/pxw6

Replies (7) Good night (989) Bad night (3846)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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(970): I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big http://tfl.nu/le84

Replies (12) Good night (1996) Bad night (2904)
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(214): View more from Texas

Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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(214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs

Replies (11) Good night (2745) Bad night (810)
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(804): View more from Virginia

by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.

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(804): by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious. http://tfl.nu/gquc

Replies (2) Good night (2689) Bad night (645)
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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.

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(630): The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time. http://tfl.nu/80xt

Replies (7) Good night (2914) Bad night (641)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season

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(601): I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season http://tfl.nu/0ij4

Replies (7) Good night (524) Bad night (1340)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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(405): Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month. http://tfl.nu/0lcc

Replies (3) Good night (703) Bad night (408)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.

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(403): It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this. http://tfl.nu/72jz

Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (293)
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(650): View more from California

Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.

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(650): Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman. http://tfl.nu/0nkg

Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (335)
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(734): View more from Michigan

You get 5 min

(586): View more from Michigan

Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.

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(734): You get 5 min (586): Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative. http://tfl.nu/1qfm

Replies (4) Good night (1196) Bad night (384)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?

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(+44): Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time? http://tfl.nu/chs0

Replies (1) Good night (367) Bad night (344)
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(805): View more from California

On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....

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(805): On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting..... http://tfl.nu/nfww

Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (223)

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