So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way