I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked