She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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