so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
