i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
