halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
