I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
