im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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