This girl is more easily done than said...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
