I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
