Already got asked if we're dating
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
