So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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