whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
