you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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