my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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