Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
