And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
