Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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