Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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