I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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