he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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