my phone needs a breathalizer
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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