I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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