He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
