I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
