Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
