I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
