I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
