drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
