I met the friendliest cop last night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
