i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
