When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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