I wish I only lived at night.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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