so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
