I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
