wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
