My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
