I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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