Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
