It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
