I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize