Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
