he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
