his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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