why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
