Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
