since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
