He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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