talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
