No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
