Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
