your thong is hanging out like whoa
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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