Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
