You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
