you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
