i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
