she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
