Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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