he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Randomize
