New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Two words: blizzard sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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