I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
