Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
