So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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