My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
