We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
