Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
