I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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