Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Found the puke drawer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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