Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
