You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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