I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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